More Used

Most people who know me know that I like used things. I buy used furniture, used pots and pans, and used clothing. There are a number of sensible reasons for this, but part of my liking for these things is something less tangible – a feeling of comfortable safety with something that has been much-used and maybe much-loved.

This morning I was struck when a phrase from the beautiful song, “More Holiness Give Me,” popped into my head. The hymn is essentially a plea from a humble seeker, asking God to “make me better.” The line that moved me was this one:

More used would I be . . .                         

Maybe one reason this caught my attention is that in the world we live in, “being used” is not often considered a positive thing.We protest "You're just using me!" So asking to be “more used” seems odd.

But used does not have to mean exploited or manipulated. Some synonyms for the word "use" are happy, positive words – worth, advantage, and benefit, for example.

When God uses people, He uses them for good. And He uses all kinds of people:

              But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world

                           to confound the wise;

                    and God hath chosen the weak things of the world

                            to confound the things which are mighty . . .

                                                 (1 Corinthians 1:27)

  O        O       O      O       O

A few years ago, my sister Erin traveled to Africa to participate in humanitarian service work. Some of her time there she spent working with a woman in Zambia who, in addition to her own children, took care of about twenty-five orphans, in her remote, run-down home.

As Erin tells it: I spent a few days there helping fix up her house, and she was always busy. One day after she made dinner, I noticed she had slipped her shoes off. When I saw this shoe it I was hit with the idea of wearing your life out with service, and being someone who God can use as he needs to, even though the work may be hard.

Our choice to offer ourselves up to be "more used" is a gesture that requires courage, humility, and faith. 

            Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God
                    ye are called to the work . . .
                                         (D&C 4:3)

If you have the courage to ask to be more used, you'd better get ready.

         And Joshua said unto the people,

                Sanctify yourselves:
                   for tomorrow

            the Lord will do wonders among you.

                             (Joshua 3:5)

. . . Wherever and whenever you read the word of God, with humble and real intent to remember the Savior, you will increase your desire to take His name upon you in your daily life. That desire will change the way you serve in the Lord’s Church. You will pray to Heavenly Father for help in magnifying even what appears to you to be a small calling. The help you will ask for is the ability to forget yourself and focus more on what the Savior wants for those you are called to serve.

(President Henry B. Eyring, October 2017 Ensign)

This is true for parents, for missionaries, for neighbors, for Stake Presidents, and for Visiting Teachers. It can be true for all of us.

\ \ \ \ \ \

The Savior, our great exemplar, set the standard from the beginning. It is He that we emulate when we ask the Lord to use us as He will.

                      Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:
                               Whom shall I send,
                          and who will go for us?
                                       Then I said: Here am I; send me. 
                                                               (2 Nephi 16:8) 

He stepped forth and offered Himself to be used. And He was used. He was misused. He was abused. He was, indeed, worn out in His service.

But He was made new again. And because of Him, we will be, too.

     

   More fit for the kingdom,

                        More used would I be,

More blessed and holy—

     More, Savior, like thee.

(https://www.lds.org/music/text/hymns/more-holiness-give-me?lang=eng&_r=1)

Three Lessons I Learned From My Appliances

When Wes and I got married, my maternal grandmother gave us her old microwave oven. It was a small black cube from the early eighties, not quite large enough to put a dinner plate in it. It had no buttons. To use it, you pulled the door handle to open it, put your food inside, pushed the door closed, and turned a plastic dial to start it.

Then you could leave the room to do something else, because it wasn't a powerful piece of equipment, and you had some time to kill.

We used that little microwave for thirteen years, until we moved into our current home and decided to get a new one.

Our new microwave was dazzling in comparison.

Disclaimer: These pictures are for illustration purposes only,
 and they may not actually reflect reality. (I have never in my life cooked that many carrots.)

Among its many stunning features, this microwave had a “30 seconds” button. We wondered what use that could possibly be. It didn't take us long to find out. This microwave could indeed make things warm in just half a minute. With a whole minute we could really heat things up. I thought about my paternal grandmother, who never owned a microwave. She was a widow for the last 25 years of her long life, and when she cooked, she froze her leftovers in little tin pie pans. Later, she would take a serving out and warm it in the oven for about an hour. I wondered what she would think of an appliance that could do the same job in two or three minutes.¹

I was used to doing other work while warming leftovers or cooking a frozen burrito, but since this one was so fast, it didn't seem worth it start something.

I was wrong. Thirty to sixty seconds is more time than it might seem to be. There are many things you can do in one minute or less. Here are a few ideas:

     Wipe crumbs off the countertop
     Put a few things back in the refrigerator (or wherever they should be)
     Do a little stretching
     Clean a light switch or two
     Read the scripture you have stuck on the refrigerator
     Make a phone call you've been putting off
     Pet the dog
     Declutter a drawer

I'm not saying that every second of your life should stuffed full with productive work. I am just reminding you that you might have more time than you think you have. Life is made of a lot of little minutes, and if you you use those well, you might not miss out on the big minutes. You wouldn't want to miss a magical moment, and those moments usually cannot be predicted.

              ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯      ✯  

I have written before about my wonderful washer and dryer.² I really do love them. But the washing machine has a quirk I find bothersome.

It has a digital display that shows how much time is left before the load is done. A very nice feature, I thought.

But it's not very accurate. I have sometimes looked at the display to see that it has 12 minutes left until the load is done, then I come back seven minutes later to see that is says 10 minutes left.

Okay, I admit this isn't a huge problem. When I mentioned my annoyance to my husband, he said “Well, it doesn't know how much longer it will take.”

“Yes it does!” I said. “Or it should! But if it really doesn't know, it shouldn't say it does!”

I have learned to live with this issue. But the lesson is important: Don't lie to anyone ─ especially your kids ─ even about seemingly little things. Don't make up an answer or guess if you don't know. Your children (or friends or co-workers) won't lose their faith in you if admit to your non-omniscience, and they very well might enjoy finding the answer with you. But there are things we just don't know. That's what faith is about.

But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth. (D&C 93:40)

I have long admired the parenting wisdom of Dr. William Sears:

"One of the best ways for teaching honesty to kids is to create a truthful home. Just as you sense when your child is lying, children will often read their parents’ untruths. If your child sees your life littered with little white lies, he learns that this is an acceptable way to avoid consequences. Don’t tell your child something is “gone” when it really isn’t just to make it easier for you to say he can’t have anymore. Sharp little eyes often see all and you haven’t fooled your child at all. You’ve just lied to him, and he’ll know that, since he knows you so well. Just say “no more now” and expect your child to accept that."

I like to trust everyone, but it doesn't take more than a couple of lies for me to stop believing in a person. Untruths are so often revealed. It's just not worth it. As Walter Scott said, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

              ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯      ✯  

I am very grateful to have a working dishwasher. Our dishwasher, like many, I suppose, has a “Clean Light”─ a light that comes on when the dishes are clean. I have felt some small satisfaction seeing that message after a long day of cleaning. But as soon you open the dishwasher door, the light goes off.

This seemed to me very much like many of my weekdays. I could spend hours working toward a clean house, but as soon as the front door opened and the kids ran in from school, the “clean light” went out. Backpacks hit the table, mud streaked the floor and after-school snack crumbs flew.

I've realized now that many of the things we do every day are things we'll do again tomorrow. Some of those things are as simple and as universal as brushing your teeth or putting clothes on. But when you have young children (or teenagers), there will always be things you do over and over. And that's okay. We aren't meant to live in a perfectly sanitary environment. A little clutter and a little dirt probably won't hurt much.

I embrace the attitude Phyllis Diller showed when she said, “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”

And I love this insightful thought: “A household has to be tended if it is to flourish and grow. Housework is never 'done' in the same sense that gardening is never done or that God's providential involvement in the world is never done. Housework and gardening and God's providence itself are exercises not in futility but in faithfulness – faithfulness to the work itself, to the people whose needs that work serves, and to the God whose own faithfulness invites our faithful response.” 
   (Margaret Kim Peterson, Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life)

Another favorite of mine:

On Judgment Day, if God should say, 
"Did you clean your house today?" 
I will say, "I did not.
I played with my kids and I forgot."
And God might say "Good for you ─
That's just what I hoped you'd do."

              ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯        ✯      ✯  

These are small lessons. But I see something big in them. I see a life filled with appreciation for all things, big and small.

Be glad you have modern time-saving conveniences like these. Be grateful that you have people you love tracking dirt into the house. Be thankful to have spaces of time, short and long, that you can fill with work or service or looking out the window at the sky and the trees. Be grateful that you have truth to share, and truth still to learn.


Happy Thanksgiving!

1 To read more about my two grandmothers click here:
² To read about my washer and dryer, click here:

I Can't Tell You Why

I saw it on a thrift-store shelf – a straight-sided glass vase with a white candle inside it. Nothing remarkable about the vase itself, really, but there was a word, in black vinyl letters, on its side. The word spoke to me. I wanted it to be part of my home; part of my life. I plopped down fifty cents for the vase and took it home.

There was one little cloud in my happy shopping sky – the previous owner of the vase had slightly misjudged the diameter of the vase compared to the candle she had tried to put in it. It was stuck halfway down. I was sure I could get it out, and maybe find another (slightly smaller) candle to replace it. After all, it wasn't the candle I was interested in, but the message on the vase. 

I began to work on the candle as soon as I got home. I tugged at the wick, firmly but carefully. The candle didn't budge. Well, I hadn't expected it to be that easy. I decided to use a little heat. Not much, because I knew that too much heat would ruin the letters on the side, and that wise word was important for me to preserve.

I brought out a blow-dryer, confident that this tool would provide the comfortable warmth that would soften the wax so that I could pull the candle out. But that didn't do it. I put the vase in the microwave, but I could see that was certain danger to the letters. I tried putting it hot water, conscientiously holding on to it so the lettered side stayed dry. Still no progress.

I turned to a slightly more violent tactic on the candle – stabbing it with a knife. (It was just a butter knife, and my 'stabbing' was more like poking.) I was very careful not to crack the glass or nick the letters on the vase.

After some time, a few small pieces of the candle broke off. Encouraged, I kept working at it, cautiously shaving little bits of wax from the candle's edges. It took some time, but at last I had whittled the candle down enough to slide it out.

I was delighted at my success. But I could see that my work was not yet done. The inside of the vase was besmirched with a thin layer of wax. I needed to get rid of that.

It wasn't easy, because my hand barely fit in the vase. but after several rounds of scraping and scrubbing, I managed to clean all the wax off. I meticulously shined the vase with glass cleaner, inside and out – except, of course, where the letters were.

It looked great. I happily put the vase on a shelf where I could see it every day and be reminded of its transformative admonition:

Simplify

Three days later, one of my children bumped the shelf at a run, and the glass vase – and its philosophic recommendation – was shattered.

I bought the vase because I hoped it would be a reminder for me about simplifying my life. And it did that – though it was not in the way I had expected. 

  ٭   ٭   ٭   ٭   ٭   ٭   ٭   ٭   ٭   ٭

There's a song – actually, mostly just a line from a song – that has been taking a frequent spin in my head lately:

We make it harder than it has to be – 

and I can't tell you why.¹            

Life is not easy – it's not meant to be. But sometimes we complicate our lives unnecessarily. And when we do, we often pay a price – sometimes higher than we would expect.

Making eye-catching visual aids or cute handouts to use in a lesson can become a crutch – and not always a reliable one. A teacher's time and energy is often better used to study the doctrine and its application. Too much time spent planning and preparing an elaborate Easter dinner might not leave room in our hearts to consider the miraculous totality of the Savior's resurrection. Extravagant Christmas decorations, long handwritten holiday letters, and the quest for the perfect gift can turn a season that should be a treasure into a burden. (And after the holiday, you have to put it all away!) Delaying a visit because you don't have a treat or a gift to take causes missed opportunities to serve and enjoy the company of our friends, neighbors and family. Incessant fretting about getting your family neatly groomed and dressed in time for church can numb your heart to the inconceivably immense act of grace that comes to us through the Sacrament.

That is no bargain – the price is far too high.

  

♥       ♥       ♥        ♥        ♥      ♥      ♥

Our first three children were born while we lived far from our extended family members, so we did not have visitors when they were blessed in church as babies. We just dressed them, blessed them, then took them home and redressed them.

But Ben was born two months after we moved to a new home, in an area within reasonable driving distance from our parents, grandparents, and siblings. We were happy to invite them all to come to our ward to see our baby receive a name and a blessing, and to come to our home for lunch after the meeting.

The day of Ben's blessing arrived. I got up early to make rolls and soup and then frantically clean up our small home. Wes fed and dressed the older kids, but when it was time to leave for Sacrament Meeting, I wasn't ready. I told him to go on without me and I would be right there.

After a frantic feeding and changing session for both me and the baby, (and some skillful hiding of dirty dishes) we headed off to church. We were late, but I knew there were other babies to be blessed in our ward that morning, so I hoped for the best.

I arrived at the church and was almost at the door to the chapel when the bishop announced that our Ben would be the next to be blessed. Wes saw me and met me at the door. I put our beautiful baby in his arms and he walked to the front of the chapel, where he and his father and my father and other Melchizedek priesthood holders formed a circle, their arms cradling Ben in the center. Wes began to speak, using his priesthood power to give our son, Benjamin Hyrum Spencer, a name and a blessing.

I still stood in the doorway, not wanting to disrupt the meeting. I was very glad that I had made it in time, even though it was very much at the last minute. And the food would be good, I hoped, and the house was clean. From where I stood peeking through the chapel door I could see that my parents and in-laws and some other family members were there. I was tired, but things were working out okay.

When Wes ended the blessing, I walked into the chapel and sat down with him and the rest of my family. Ben began to fuss after a few minutes, so I took him into the mothers' room to feed him. Another woman was there with her baby. We were new in the ward, so I didn't know many people, but I said hello as I sat down.

She looked at me warmly and asked, with hopeful expectation in her voice, “Is this the baby that was blessed today? Benjamin?”

I smiled and nodded at her.

“I'm so glad to meet you here. I was hoping I would get a chance to talk to you today,” she said. “I wanted to tell you that your husband gave the most beautiful blessing.”

I was stunned and ashamed. What did he say? I thought. Why wasn't I listening?

I thanked the woman for her thoughtfulness, and we talked for a few minutes more, but I could not stop thinking about what I had missed – a once-in-a-lifetime moment of grace that I had been too hurried to receive.

Family members assembled at our house after the meeting ended, and everyone was charmed by our beautiful baby.

Baby Ben with his Aunt Leslie

Baby Ben  with his father

Baby Ben with his great-grandmother, Phyllis Spencer

I suppose the house looked good, and the soup and rolls were yummy. I don't remember.

And you know, I don't think anyone else remembers, either.

 ●     ●      ●      ●       ●       ●      ●     

It's not always easy to recognize and remove the clutter of excess complication in our lives. And maybe the practice of simplicity seems too small a solution for what's ailing us in our in our homes, in our callings, in our relationships, in our conversation.

But I think it's worth a try.

Consider, in this context, the Savior's fervent invitation: Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

For me. this scripture raises a somber thought: If your burden is not light, perhaps it is not the right burden. Maybe it is an extra one you took on for yourself. Can you drop it?

Ѽ     Ѽ     Ѽ    Ѽ     Ѽ     Ѽ     Ѽ   

Some of life's greatest joys are not at all complicated – a beautiful sunset, a baby's toothless grin, a warm bed on a cold night, or the indescribable holiness of feeling the Spirit of God opening your heart and testifying that He is there, and that life is good.


It's all pretty simple.

¹ I Can't Tell You Why, Tmothy B. Schmit, Glenn Frey, and Don Henley, Copyright 1978

Stacie

I have a friend named Stacie. She is a little younger than me — not quite forty — and she has lived in her home with her parents her entire life.

Stacie was born with Williams syndrome, a genetic condition which causes developmental delays and learning disabilities.  Stacie's parents fought hard to get her into mainstream schools with special education programs, and she was able to finish high school, receiving a certificate of completion. Tests show that she functions mentally at a first or second grade level.

And yet, I have learned so much from Stacie.

My Friend Stacie 

Last October, we bought some puffy animal stickers from the dollar store to give to Trick-or-Treaters. We forgot about them, and they ended up in my purse. When I saw Stacie at church I thought about her love for animals and showed her the stickers. She smiled with delight when she looked at them, and when I told her she could keep them, she was ecstatic. She hugged me and said, "Thank you! I love you!"

Since then I have noticed that Stacie has a smile and an expression of love for everyone she knows. I am learning the true meaning of unconditional love from her example.

Several years ago, as part of a Relief Society assignment, I designed a questionnaire to learn more about the women in our ward. One of the questions we asked was "What do like to do most?" Stacie responded that what makes her happiest was "dancing to music and playing with puppies."

I learned a great lesson that day about finding joy in simple things. Now Stacie is teaching me that it feels good to laugh along with other people, even if you don't get the joke, and that it's okay to laugh alone if something tickles you in particular.
                
I asked Stacie to tell me what makes her mad. I could see that she was thinking hard to give me an answer. After a long pause, she said, "I can't think of anything. Oh, wait — commercials. Sometimes commercials make me mad."

Stacie's mother tells me that Stacie does get frustrated and annoyed sometimes, but she doesn't stay that way for long. She always turns back to her sunny happiness. She never holds a grudge.

Stacie is teaching me about acceptance, tolerance and forgiveness.

When Stacie was about twenty, she participated in the Special Olympics. During one memorable race, she pulled ahead of the other runners. For the first time ever, she had a chance to win. The crowd and bystanders cheered as the special athletes ran. Then Stacie saw some LDS missionaries at the side of the track. She moved toward them and stopped to shake each missionary's hand. Seeing her there, the other runners followed her and came to meet the missionaries. After every athlete had shaken every missionary's hand, they started running again    . . . and they crossed the finish line together.

Stacie helped those Special Olympians win their race. And a crowd of people learned a wonderful lesson that day about the unimportance of competitiveness and pride. 

I continue to learn about pure faith. Stacie knows her Heavenly Father loves her. She understands that He has a plan for her.

When Stacie was six weeks old, doctors advised her parents to put her into an institution. They seemed to feel that raising a child like Stacie would be a burden not worth bearing. Her parents rejected this idea and raised their daughter with the same unerring patience and love they showed their other children. Now, looking back, they say, "Imagine all the amazing things we would have missed if we had not brought Stacie home!" 

                      ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ 

When the Savior told us to become like little children, I don't think He meant we should try to make a bigger mess when we eat, or to forget to wipe our noses when they need wiping. I think He was telling us to be more like my friend Stacie — less judgmental, more hopeful, more full of wonder, more forgiving, more loving.



I am grateful to have Stacie as a friend. When I sometimes fall into the trap of self-pity, I think of the smile I always see on her face, and I remember that life is pretty good, after all. 


To learn more about Williams syndrome, click here.
To learn more about the Special Olympics program, click here.
To learn more about the missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, click here.

To leave a comment on this post for Stacie, click Comments below.

The Way You Look Tonight

You have probably heard these songs a time or two.

(From The Lady in Red)

The lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek
There's nobody here, it's just you and me, it's where I wanna be
Well, I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight.

(From The Way You Look Tonight)

You're lovely, with your smile so warm

And your cheeks so soft,

There is nothing for me but to love you,

And the way you look tonight.

Lovely; never, ever change.

Keep that breathless charm.

Won't you please arrange it?

'Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight.

I used to think songs like these were incredibly romantic. I think almost every woman, at some point, wants her man to look at her and say, "Wow! You look amazing!"

But now I know more, and I want more.

Twenty-seven years ago today, I met the man who would become my husband. I was the "lady in red" who caught his eye at a single's ward Valentine's dance. I was twenty; he was twenty-two. We were attracted to each other immediately. Still, we dated for more than a year before we decided to get married.

1987

1988

It was the best decision I've ever made.

1989

If my husband had married me because of "just the way I looked that night", I don't know if he would still be around. Now, if he looks at me and thinks, "Wow, she's amazing," it's not because of my cute face, or my pretty hair, or my nice figure. Time and children and cancer have changed those things. If he thinks I'm amazing now, it's because he sees me as a strong woman; a loyal, devoted wife, a caring and dedicated mother, and a compassionate friend. He sees in me a woman of tenacious faith; a person who tries to stand for truth and righteousness. He has seen me at my worst, and at my best. We have had good times and hard times, and we have come through it all together.

The songs have it wrong. The books have it wrong. The movies have it wrong. Television shows and magazine ads have it wrong.

They don't know anything about romance.

If you want to see real romance, you can go to a cancer treatment center and watch as a man holds his wife's hand, or rubs her feet, while she receives her five-hour chemotherapy treatment.

Or visit a elderly care center and hear an eighty-seven year old man sing love songs to his wife, who can no longer sing back, and may not even recognize him.

Gordon B. Hinckley, who served as President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1995  to 2008, said:

"May I be personal for a moment? I sat at dinner across the table from my wife the other evening. It was fifty-five years ago that we were married in the Salt Lake Temple. The wondrous aura of young womanhood was upon her. She was beautiful, and I was bewitched. Now, for more than half a century, we have walked together through much of storm as well as sunshine. Today neither of us stands as tall as we once did. As I looked at her across the table, I noted a few wrinkles in her face and hands. But are they less beautiful than before? No, in fact, they are more so. Those wrinkles have a beauty of their own, and inherent in their very presence is something that speaks reassuringly of strength and integrity and a love that runs more deeply and quietly than ever before."  (“This I Believe,” BYU 1991-92 Devotional and Fireside Speeches, March 1, 1992, p. 78.)

This, my friends, is romance. This is true love. This is the love we want for our daughters, for our sons, and for ourselves.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Another Look at Motherhood

Eight years ago, a local grocery store held a Mother's Day essay contest. I wrote a short essay and entered it in the contest. I'm pretty sure I was the only one to enter. (I'm not being self-deprecating here. I really think I was the only one. They also did a Mother's Day coloring contest, and that got a lot of entries. But essays, not so much).

Anyway, I won the first prize, which was – get this –  a free haircut. Yep, that's the headline: "Bald Woman Wins Haircut!" Hooray!

Here's the essay. Happy Mother's Day to all. 

When I was a little girl, I looked to the future and saw all the things I might be.  I wanted to be a princess, or a movie star. At the very least, I thought I would grow up to be Barbie. Later, I wanted to be an artist or a writer. I also thought I would be a good advertising executive, even though all I knew about the job was what I’d learned by watching reruns of Bewitched.

What did happen was that I grew up, went to college, got married and started putting my husband through school.  Before long, I had a baby, then another, and another, and before I knew it, I was the mother of seven young children. I loved my children, but I wondered, Is this all there is for me?  I had wanted so much more. I dreamed of the day when my children would be older, when I could do and be some of the things I wanted.

Then one day I got some startling news – I had an aggressive cancer.  Suddenly, the question was not how long I would have children at home but how long they would have me. Facing the fact that I really might not live long made everything that had once been ordinary seem like magic – a drawing from my four-year-old, listening to my daughter practice the violin, a two-year-old’s sticky kisses, the sound of laughter from a over-crowded trampoline. All the things that I had wanted to do, things that had seemed so exciting and important, were now overshadowed by what I finally knew I wanted more than anything else – to be the mother of these children, and if I were fortunate enough, the grandmother of these children’s children.

Armed with a new long-term goal – “I want to live long enough to be the world’s best grandmother” – I began my battle against cancer. My fight is not over, and may not be finished for a long time. But right now, it looks like I might be winning.

Living with cancer has taught me something I should have already known – that life is a precious commodity. There is never enough of it for all we want. I have not completely given up my dreams of doing some of the exciting things I have always wanted to do. (I have given up on ever being Barbie.)  But if time runs out before I do any of those other things, I will know that I have been more, and done more, than I ever thought I would. I have been a mother. I would not ask for more.

Happy Birthday, Relief Society!

On March 17, 1842, the Relief Society – a women's organization that is an auxiliary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – was officially created. Because I am a woman and a member of the LDS church, I am privileged to be a part of it.

Several years ago I was assigned to prepare a presentation on the history and value of the Relief Society. As part of this presentation I wrote the following essay:

          Tonight we address two questions: what does the Lord think of you as a woman, and what does he want for you in your life?

          For most of the history of the world, women, individually and as a group, have been poorly thought of, badly treated, and severely limited in their freedom. For thousands of years, it was illegal for women to own property. A woman could not get an education, was not allowed to study the scriptures or be taught the gospel. A woman frequently had little or no choice about whom she married, and once she was married, had no rights or freedom. It was legal for a man to beat or otherwise abuse his wife – she had no right to stop him. A man could divorce his wife for reasons ranging from unchastity to burning a meal, but a woman could almost never divorce her husband. Although she was expected to do the work of taking care of children, she did not have the right to decide how her children would be raised and taught.

          In ancient Jewish society, public life excluded women, often forcing them to cover their heads and faces in the presence of men. A rabbi could not speak to a women in public. Woman had no legal, financial or civil voice. Some Jewish men repeated daily the infamous prayer: “Praised be God that he has not created me to be a woman.”

          This kind of treatment seems incredible to us, but for the lawmakers and other men of the past it was the only way to treat women. In fact, they believed that women didn't have the ability to make the kind of decisions more freedom would require. The well-respected philosopher Aristotle taught that the male by nature is superior and the female inferior, and believed that the female state is one of deformity.

          Another famous philosopher, Socrates, said that being born a woman is a punishment from God, since a woman is not fully a person, but is halfway between a man and an animal.

          When Augustine, a religious thinker and teacher, came to power he wondered how a man could possibly love his wife, knowing what she is and what she represents. He thoughtfully concluded that he should love her as a Christian is commanded to love his enemies.

          In summary, it is fair to say that a low view of women was common, even predominant, during ancient times. With this type of thinking being held by all men, there was little hope for any change for the better in women’s lives.

          Then came Jesus Christ.

         Christ completely deviated from society in the way he treated women. For the first time, women saw a man who would teach them, heal them, respect them. Christ treated women with respect regardless of their station. He taught the woman at the well, insisted on fair, even merciful treatment of the woman caught in sin, and healed a woman who, having an issue of blood, was considered unclean and therefore untouchable. He showed the world a different way to think and act.

          Even after the Savior’s death, Christian men, following His example, had greater respect for women, and women did enjoy more rights, more freedom, more spiritual growth for a time. But as the truth and the priesthood left the earth, so did man’s true vision of woman. Women were again mistreated and unable to share their talents. The only work available to them was menial or even immoral.

           With the passing of time, there was some small improvement -- in many cultures the blatant abuse of women became less acceptable. But at the beginning of the 1800s, for the most part, things were not a whole lot better. Women were still denied access to higher education. Their career choices were extremely limited. They had no voice in government – they could not vote or hold public office. 

          Then came Joseph Smith, the restoration of the gospel, and the birth of the Relief Society.

          In March 1842, when the Prophet Joseph Smith established the Relief Society, he said to the women:

“You will receive instructions through the order of the Priesthood which God has established, through the medium of those appointed to . . . direct the affairs of the Church in this last dispensation; and I now turn the key in your behalf in the name of the Lord, and this Society shall rejoice, and knowledge and intelligence shall flow down from this time henceforth.” 1

The Prophet told them that the organization would be “a charitable Society, and according to your natures,” and then he added, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates” 2

Over one hundred years later, in 1945, President George Albert Smith said to the women of the Relief Society:

“You are . . . more blessed than any other women in all the world. You were the first women to have the franchise; the first women to have a voice in the work of a church. It was God that gave it to you and it came as a result of revelation to a Prophet of the Lord. Since that time, think what benefits the women of this world have enjoyed. Not only you belonging to the Church have enjoyed the blessing of equality, but when the Prophet Joseph Smith turned the key for the emancipation of womankind, it was turned for all the world, and from generation to generation the number of women who can enjoy the blessings of religious liberty and civil liberty has been increasing.” 3

          Could this be true?  Could it be that the Relief Society – that key turned for the emancipation of womankind – has really made the difference in the lives of women around the world since then? A look at history suggests that it certainly is so.

          Remember, the Lord, through Joseph Smith, established Relief Society and thereby pronounced the blessings of liberty on women in 1842. Seven years later, in 1849, Elizabeth Blackwell graduated from medical school, becoming the first woman in the U.S. with a medical degree. A few years after that, the first woman graduated from dental school. In 1870, the Mormons settlers in Utah gave women voting rights – the first state to do so. Other states soon followed.

          In 1869 the first woman lawyer was granted admission to practice law. In 1873 the first woman to be admitted to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology earned her bachelors degree, and became the first female professional chemist in the U.S. In 1887 Susanna Salter became the first woman elected mayor.

          Remember, all these firsts occurred within less than fifty years of the day Joseph Smith ‘turned the key’ to open the door for the freedom of women.

          I found a detailed list on the internet documenting the achievements of women throughout history. There were hundreds of landmarks of women’s progress on the list, and virtually all of them happened after 1942. A few examples: The first woman to be elected to the U.S. House of Representatives.  The first woman to serve as governor. The first woman Senator. The first woman member of a presidential cabinet. The first American woman to serve as a director of a major corporation. The first woman to own a seat on the New York Stock Exchange. The first female Supreme Court justice.

          Can you see the huge upward turn in freedom and opportunity for women? Can you doubt that this is more than coincidence?

          Some of you remember the "woman's movement" of the 1970s. It was in many ways a controversial issue, and I have heard people say that “women's lib” was that work of the adversary; an idea that Satan started as part of his plan to destroy families.

          I have a different theory. I believe that it was Satan’s work that persuaded men to oppress women for so many years. Fearing the influence and power a righteous woman can have, Satan did his best to make sure that that influence would not go far. This was his work for thousands of years.

          The evidence shows that it was God who started the women’s movement on that day in 1842 when He consecrated women’s work through the birth of the Relief Society. Satan, knowing the wonders that educated, knowledgeable, joyful women could do, did his best to stop it, but the key had been turned. There was no going back.

          So Satan took a different tactic. You will notice that one of his favorite tricks is to take a good thing and mix in some evil. I believe that this is what happened to the women’s movement. While God said, “You are equal to men, but you have different gifts and different roles,” Satan said, “In order to be equal to men, you must be just like men.” Where God says, “You are free to choose whom you will marry, and how you will love and nurture you children,” Satan says, “You are free. If you marry and have children, you will be a slave.” This was a two-pronged attack: on the one hand, the evil one persuaded many women to reject their divine roles and become more like men. On the other hand, he made many good women see the progress of women – the so called "woman’s movement" as an evil thing, instead of a wonderful God-given blessing. This confused some woman and led them to limit their own growth.

          We started out tonight with two questions. The first was "What does the Lord think of you as a woman?" I hope now we can see the answer more clearly. Heavenly Father loves His daughters as much as his sons. He knows we have marvelous potential on the earth and unlimited potential in the life to come.

          The second question was “What does the Lord want for you in your life?” It is my testimony that He wants the very best for you. He wants you to enjoy and excel in all your roles. While recognizing that you can do many things well, he pleads with you to remember which of your responsibilities are most important. He wants joy, growth, and freedom for you – and He wants those things for men, as well.

Our dear President Hinckley said, “Stand a little taller and work a little harder and value a little greater the marvelous blessing which you have as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” and I would add, as a member of the Relief Society.

          Can we do this, sisters?  Go we go forward in so great a cause?  I believe that we can. As members of the Relief Society, the organization that has blessed the lives of millions of women, whether they know it or not, our potential is enormous.

          Tonight you have come to a birthday party. We have food and decorations and cake to celebrate the birthday of the Relief Society. You did not purchase and wrap a gift to bring. But I am suggesting that you can still give the Relief Society a birthday present. On that wonderful March day in 1842, Joseph Smith prophesied, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.” That is the gift you can give the Relief Society. After all it has given you – all the learning, all the comfort, all the service, all the opportunities, and all the privileges – you can commit tonight that you will more fully live up to those privileges. What a marvelous birthday present that would be, if we would all make that commitment.

          I am grateful to be a woman. I am grateful to be a member of this church. Tonight, I am certainly grateful to be a member of the Relief Society. I am grateful to live in a time and place that gives me liberty and opportunities. I am grateful for the many choices I have had the freedom to make: to get an education, to choose a career, to choose a husband, to choose to have, rear, and love my children.

          I know this church is true. It has blessed the lives of millions. It has blessed everyone in this room. I pray that we will never forget that, and that we will stand as women of God, women who, at all times and in all places live up to their God-given privileges.

1 (History of the Church, 4:607).

2 (History of the Church, 4:605). 

3 (Relief Society Magazine, Dec. 1945, p. 717, emphasis mine)