The Way You Look Tonight

You have probably heard these songs a time or two.

(From The Lady in Red)

The lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek
There's nobody here, it's just you and me, it's where I wanna be
Well, I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight.

(From The Way You Look Tonight)

You're lovely, with your smile so warm

And your cheeks so soft,

There is nothing for me but to love you,

And the way you look tonight.

Lovely; never, ever change.

Keep that breathless charm.

Won't you please arrange it?

'Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight.

I used to think songs like these were incredibly romantic. I think almost every woman, at some point, wants her man to look at her and say, "Wow! You look amazing!"

But now I know more, and I want more.

Twenty-seven years ago today, I met the man who would become my husband. I was the "lady in red" who caught his eye at a single's ward Valentine's dance. I was twenty; he was twenty-two. We were attracted to each other immediately. Still, we dated for more than a year before we decided to get married.

1987

1988

It was the best decision I've ever made.

1989

If my husband had married me because of "just the way I looked that night", I don't know if he would still be around. Now, if he looks at me and thinks, "Wow, she's amazing," it's not because of my cute face, or my pretty hair, or my nice figure. Time and children and cancer have changed those things. If he thinks I'm amazing now, it's because he sees me as a strong woman; a loyal, devoted wife, a caring and dedicated mother, and a compassionate friend. He sees in me a woman of tenacious faith; a person who tries to stand for truth and righteousness. He has seen me at my worst, and at my best. We have had good times and hard times, and we have come through it all together.

The songs have it wrong. The books have it wrong. The movies have it wrong. Television shows and magazine ads have it wrong.

They don't know anything about romance.

If you want to see real romance, you can go to a cancer treatment center and watch as a man holds his wife's hand, or rubs her feet, while she receives her five-hour chemotherapy treatment.

Or visit a elderly care center and hear an eighty-seven year old man sing love songs to his wife, who can no longer sing back, and may not even recognize him.

Gordon B. Hinckley, who served as President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1995  to 2008, said:

"May I be personal for a moment? I sat at dinner across the table from my wife the other evening. It was fifty-five years ago that we were married in the Salt Lake Temple. The wondrous aura of young womanhood was upon her. She was beautiful, and I was bewitched. Now, for more than half a century, we have walked together through much of storm as well as sunshine. Today neither of us stands as tall as we once did. As I looked at her across the table, I noted a few wrinkles in her face and hands. But are they less beautiful than before? No, in fact, they are more so. Those wrinkles have a beauty of their own, and inherent in their very presence is something that speaks reassuringly of strength and integrity and a love that runs more deeply and quietly than ever before."  (“This I Believe,” BYU 1991-92 Devotional and Fireside Speeches, March 1, 1992, p. 78.)

This, my friends, is romance. This is true love. This is the love we want for our daughters, for our sons, and for ourselves.

Happy Valentine's Day.