Spinning My Wheels

If it had been a woman who called me—the Relief Society president, for example—I think I would have said no.

But it was not a woman. It was a very nice man who had recently returned to the church after a long period of inactivity, and he was serving as the Elder's Quorum president. So I said, yes, I would take dinner to a neighbor that night, because, he told me, she was pregnant and she was having a hard time.

I guess the fact that I, too, was pregnant and was having a hard time was not something this man had considered. I dragged my tired, swollen body to the kitchen and went to work. Three hours later, I took a large pan of lasagna, a batch of homemade breadsticks, and a salad to my neighbor, grumbling all the way. Then I drove home, fell into bed, and told my kids to eat whatever they could find.

Some years later:

I took a trip with some friends to a town where we knew there was a great thrift shop. After scoring some great deals in the basement, we went upstairs, where the “nicer” (aka more expensive) items were on display. I looked around for a few minutes, but I didn't see anything I wanted there, so I sat in the lobby and waited for my friends.

A man came in smiling and cheerfully greeted me in a voice that carried a strong Spanish accent.

Halfway through the lobby, he stopped. His eyes were fixed on a woman's winter coat, a very nice coat in good condition. I heard him ask the woman at the desk what size the coat was, and how much it cost. He seemed delighted about the size—perfect for his wife—and although the price was more money than he had, he didn't let that get him down for long. He asked if could pay half of the thirty dollar price tag that day, and come back on Friday with the rest. The sales clerk agreed, and the man beamed as he left the store.

Suddenly I had the idea to pay the rest of the coat. How nice it would be, I thought, for the man to come back to the store after cashing his paycheck on Friday and find that he didn't owe a penny. This was certainly a case where the fifteen dollars I gave would be multiplied for his happiness. And I would tell the woman at the desk that if the man asked who had paid his bill, she should say, “just someone who who is trying to be more like Jesus.”

I was very happy about my plan, but there was one small hitch: I had no cash with me at the moment. But had some in my big bag, which I had left locked in my friend's car.

I found my friend and asked her if she could help me get my money from the car. She asked me what I had found to buy, and I somewhat hesitantly told her why I wanted the money. I was surprised when she responded with some scorn. “What? He doesn't need your money. He'll be fine. And we need to leave soon, anyway.” The other friend that had come with us agreed, and they moved to the checkout station to pay for their things.

I was surprised. These were warm-hearted, kind, generous women, and I didn't understand why they reacted so negatively. I didn't see that had a choice, though, so I reluctantly followed my friends out of the store.

We were about halfway to the car when I happened to put my hand in my pocket. I felt something, and was stunned when I pulled out two bills—a five and a ten. 

As I looked back toward the thrift store, I heard my friend saying, “Come on, Marnie! I'm supposed to meet a guy in ten minutes to buy some skis!”

I put the money back in my pocket and got in the car.

If, perhaps, there is some Grand Council keeping score, I don't believe either of these events will get me any points. In the first one, I did the charitable act, but I did it grudgingly, without love. In the second one, I had charity in my heart, but I didn't have the courage to act.

iii

When I was a teenager, a teacher taught our class about the doctrine found in James 2:26: “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

The teacher explained that faith without works—and I'll include works without faith—is like rowing a boat using one oar. You'll be moving, but you won't get anywhere. That's just how I felt after these events. I'd been moving, but really I was just spinning my wheels, and I didn't—and still don't—feel good about the way I handled these two situations.

☸       ☸       ☸       ☸       ☸       ☸       ☸

I wrote this several years ago, but looking at it now, I see a lesson I hadn't found before—a message about ministering.

The work of ministering is to do the work of the Lord on the earth—to represent Him among the people. Ministering is motivated by Christlike love. It requires both a compassionate heart and willing action.

And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.
For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind? And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a remission of your sins. (Mosiah 2:16-17)

Jesus Christ served others throughout His mortal life. He did so by teaching, healing, praying, and being compassionate. He loved those He served. He wanted them to be happy. During His life, He challenged people to follow Him (see Luke 9:23). 

Christ encouraged all who would listen to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick, and provide all kinds of service to one another. 

❤     ❤     ❤     ❤     ❤     ❤    ❤

Can we—imperfect, sometimes fearful, occasionally self-absorbed, maybe judgmental mortals really find a way to minister like our Lord and Savior did?

Maybe.

We can't feed 4,000 hungry people—but we can take a loaf of bread to a busy friend, or make a generous donation to a local food pantry.

We can't heal the blind—but we can drive a neighbor to a doctor's appointment.

We can't care for all the suffering children in the world—but we can take a restless toddler on our lap during a church meeting.

We can't change the fact that there are poor people in the world—the Savior himself said, "For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good . . .  but we can be generous in our fast offerings and support organizations that serve the needy.

We cannot cleanse the earth of its physical and spiritual pollution—but we can mop a floor or wash a window for someone who is overwhelmed for a season. And we can stand as witnesses to the truth to those who seem to need a little firmer foundation.

We can't turn back time to restore youth. But we can visit and minister to those who've had a little more time on this planet than we have.

I was struck by the of this wisdom and truth of this statement from Sister Bonnie Parkin: 

"Most ministering opportunities are spontaneous, not planned in advance. Much of the Savior’s ministering seemed almost incidental, happening while He was on His way to somewhere else—while He was doing something else."

To minister this way requires that we have an eye turned outward, a heart open to compassion and the courage and faith to act. When we do this our opportunities to serve increase, and our love for those we minister to—and our love for Savior—blossoms and grows.  

So, let's open our eyes, open our hearts, and open our arms. I think we just might find ourselves part of some ministering miracles.



Sources:

https://www.mormon.org/blog/christianity-is-about-serving-others

Bonnie D. Parkin. "Personal Ministry: Sacred and Precious" BYU Devotional, Feb. 13, 2007 

On Giving and Receiving

When I met my husband Wes, we were both poor college students. (We must have been pretty good at it, because we spent the next eight years being poor college students.) We became a poor married student couple, and eventually a poor college student family of five. We lived simply and frugally, and enjoyed simple activities that cost little or nothing.

The zoo was free on Monday, so that's when we went

The nearby library had a weekly story time

Feeding ducks at the park was a favorite activity

Sam hunting for Easter eggs

Sam and Hannah enjoying Homemade fruit pops

Using cloth diapers helped us save money

And so did home haircuts

Our children were young, and they didn't realize that we were living below the poverty line. Wes and I sometimes missed the little luxuries (eating out, buying new clothes) but we loved watching our children grow and were glad we could follow the counsel of prophets to live within our means and stay out of debt.

Every year as Christmas approached, we would find unexpected gifts and blessings – a Christmas tree mysteriously showed up on the front porch, or a basket of festive food appeared, or we found wrapped presents for our children.

One year, I attended a Christmas get-together with other people who had been called to serve in the Primary in our ward. For one of the activities, we sat in a circle and shared favorite Christmas memories. As people began sharing their thoughts, I noticed that most of the reminiscences involved an act of service – a memorable time they they and their family had been able to help another family. As we moved around the circle, I began to feel a little sad. We hadn't been able to help another family at Christmas. We were always the ones that needed help,

Then one woman said this: “We've helped, and we've received help. And the spirit is the same.”

This idea struck me. I thought about it a lot. For the the first time, I wondered, Is it as blessed to receive as it is to give?

                                   

Eventually, when Wes finished school and got a job, we were delighted to buy our first house. We still lived frugally – our family now included five children, and our house needed some work. But we were able to meet our needs and put some money aside for emergencies.

One winter, we had an unexpected series of difficulties – both of our cars broke down and needed expensive repairs, and our furnace was condemned by the gas company, which meant we we had to buy a new one. All these things happened over the course a of a week.

We were grateful that our emergency savings covered these expenses, but we were left with very little money to spare. As Christmas drew near, Wes and I decided we would have a very simple Christmas, with a few inexpensive gifts for the children, but that we would not buy a gift for each other.

Then our bishop knocked on the door one day and said that he had been given some money to share with a family in need for Christmas. I told him that we were fine, that we were experiencing a temporary setback, and we didn't need the money. He urged me to accept the gift, but again I refused. He asked me think about it, and consider changing my mind.

The next day, I came across this scripture:

Have ye forgotten the commandments of the Lord your God? Yea, have ye forgotten the captivity of our fathers? Have ye forgotten the many times we have been delivered out of the hands of our enemies? 

Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us? (Alma 60:20 – 21)

I wrote a note to the bishop, telling him that we had decided to get off our throne. Christmas was  brighter that year because we did.

I have heard good people say that they are always glad to serve and give, but they find it difficult to receive service that is offered them. This is not an uncommon feeling, I suppose. But I see two problems with this attitude.

First, this is rooted in pride. It's saying that I don't need anyone else – that we can handle anything that comes our way alone. While I am a fan of self-reliance, there are times in every life when we can't do it alone. As King Benjamin reminds us, we are all beggars. We all depend on God to provide us food and clothing and shelter. And God usually works through other people. 

Second, and perhaps more obviously, if no one accepts our service, we will be unable to serve.       

     

I           I           I           I           I           I           I

Some thoughts from others who are wiser and more eloquent that I am: 

“Giving feels fantastic and for there to be a Giver, there must be a Receiver, so allowing yourself to receive is an act of love.” ― Rebecca O’Dwyer

“And there’s also ‘To him that hath shall be given.’ After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can’t give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.”

― C.S. Lewis

“Gracious acceptance is an art - an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving.... Accepting another person's gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.”

― Alexander McCall Smith

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”

― Brené Brown

   

 ♥       ♥       ♥      ♥       ♥       ♥        ♥        ♥     

Christ, who sets the example in all things, showed us how to receive gifts:

Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper, there came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.

But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste? For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.

When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.

For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always. (Matthew 26:6 – 13) 

If we cannot receive gifts at Christmas, how can we receive the greatest gift of all? The Savior's birth and perfect life?

For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?  Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:33)

If we cannot ask for help when we need it, how can we plead to our Father for His mercy and comfort?

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Rest for the weary, water for those who thirst, healing for those who ache, comfort for those who grieve – and eternal live for those who consistently come to Him with a broken heart. He paid a very heavy price so that He could offer us these precious things – gifts of immeasurable, even infinite value.

And His hands are stretched out still!

How silently, how silently

The wondrous gift is given!

So God imparts to human hearts

The blessings of His heaven.

No ear may hear His coming;

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive Him, still

The dear Christ enters in.

Remember Christ our Savior
Was born on Christmas Day
To Save us all from Satan''s Grasp
When we have gone astray.
Oh! Tidings of Comfort and Joy! 

Press forward, feasting on the word of Christ.

Receive his name, rejoicing in his might.

Come unto God; find everlasting light

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

For unto us a child is given . . . Let earth receive her King!

Hallelujah!

Merry Christmas to all!