For Worse or For Better

A year or two ago, a kind neighbor gave me ride to my appointment with my eye doctor. On the way there, I explained to her that I would need some help getting out of the office, into the car, out of the car, and into my house, because the shots the optometrist puts in my eyes would make my vision bad and leave me feeling sick.

She looked at me with compassion, concern, and some confusion. I told her that the sickness would only last a few hours, and my vision would be improved in a couple of days. She gave me an understanding nod, and said something that I remember clearly:

“So it makes it worse before it makes it better.”

That was it, exactly. She hit the nail right on the head. And although I doubt that she felt she had said anything deep or profound, I have thought about her remark many times since then and how it can apply to so many circumstances.

Some of the medications I take every day make me feel a little worse right after I take them, but It's not long before I feel the the benefit. And most surgeries fit in this category.

How about a little home remodeling? That always seems to make the house messy and unappealing before it makes it a nicer place to live.

Working out to tone and strengthen muscles is painful and difficult in the beginning, but it pays off with increased strength and energy. (At least, that's what I hear.) 

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I mentioned to someone that I had some problems with my teeth, but I didn't want to go to the dentist. Her response was as simple as it was sensible: "No one does."

                  Root canal, anyone? 

Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it. (Psalms 81:10)

Still, we have reason to be grateful for modern dentistry. Before the age of painkillers, specialized tools and antibiotics, dentists used a variety of crude implements to get the job done. 

Whatever pain or discomfort we feel in the dentist’s chair is quite small compared to the pain we’d have without dental care. 

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Any woman who has given birth knows it's a difficult job. (And any man who has watched his wife give birth knows it, too.)

 . . . anguish hath taken hold of us, and pain, as of a woman in travail. ( Jeremiah 6:24)

Wes and me after the birth of our first child, Sam.
I did not look this happy fifteen minutes earlier.

          Me and the kids after the birth of my seventh child, Adam.

A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. (John 16:21)

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And while we're talking about small children – toilet training a child can certainly make life, well, untidy, for a while. But it's worth it. One of my little parenting joys has been watching my children walk into the bathroom alone and come out clean and dry. (Another happy parent moment is the day my baby takes a Cheerio off the high chair tray and puts it in his mouth.)  

Train up a child in the way he should go . . .  (Proverbs 22:6)

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I have watched as friends and family have had their hearts broken, and it's devastating for them (and for me, sometimes). But they seem to come out stronger, and with a clearer knowledge of what they want and need in a relationship.

 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. 

(Psalms 147:3)

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There are many examples in the history of this planet that fit this pattern, starting right off in the Garden of Eden.

 

Things were pretty great there, but that kind of innocent happiness generally can't last.

"And Eve heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient. And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters." ¹

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Joseph of Egypt (or as like to think of him "The Joe With the Coat") was sold into slavery by his envious brothers, and later was condemned to jail for a crime he didn't commit.

But in the end he triumphed, and humbly forgave – even blessed – his brothers for what they did.

And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you.  And they came near.  And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt.  Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God.

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When the early members of the restored Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were driven out of their homes and began the long and arduous trek west, things got pretty rough – tragically rough for some.

But they carried on, believing that the promise of a better life would be fulfilled.

And, eventually, it was.

The wilderness and the solitary place shall be glad for them;

 and the desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose.

It shall blossom abundantly, and rejoice even with joy and singing:

 they shall see the glory of the LORD, and the excellency of our God. 

(Isaiah 35:1 - 2)

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One of my sons sent this message in an email while he was on his mission:

"Repentance is like throwing up.

 You felt icky before and it's hard while your going through it,

 but afterward you feel much better." 

The repentance experience of the Book of Mormon prophet Alma backs this up.

And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul. And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. ea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

(Alma 36:16 – 21) 

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“If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart.

So it has been with the best people who ever lived.” 

(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland,)

"A plan in which supposedly everything would go right so nobody would be lost

 was 
already proposed and rejected.

 The plan of salvation, on the other hand,

 allows for opposition in all things:

sadness and sweetness,

 wrongdoing 
and repentance,  trial and testimony".²

"It 
is imperative that we recognize that whatever has happened to us has happened to others.

They have coped and so must we. We are not alone. 
Heavenly Father’s help is near."

(Thomas S. Monson)

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice:

and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy." 
(John 16:20)

"And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again,

and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you."

(John 16:22)

"But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions,

 with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions."

(Alma 34:39 - 41)

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Earlier this year our family reached a point in our study of the Book of Mormon where every thing was pretty rotten. The people continued to choose wickedness, despite divine warnings, and the men were bloodthirsty and contentious.

"And from the first year to the fifteenth has brought to pass the destruction of many thousand lives; yea, it has brought to pass an awful scene of bloodshed. And the bodies of many thousands are laid low in the earth, while the bodies of many thousands are moldering in heaps upon the face of the earth; yea, and many thousands are mourning for the loss of their kindred, because they have reason to fear, according to the promises of the Lord, that they are consigned to a state of endless wo." (Alma 28:10 - 11)

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I didn't like it. I didn't enjoy reading it. It was just too sad. And I knew (spoiler alert) that the book would have an unhappy ending, with one good man left alone, in hiding, waiting for his life to end. So I ranted and grumbled about that for a few days, until this truth hit me: the end of this book is not the end of the story. It's just one chapter in a story that is still being told, and that we know will end happily.

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When my children were young, I told them bedtimes stories to help them fall asleep. Of course, I quickly ran out of stories and started making up stories as I went along. Sometimes the stories were pretty good, even though I was trying to make them boring.

One evening my daughter Hannah, who was about four, was tucked into bed and eagerly awaiting the story I would tell, when she said:

"Mommy? Remember, I like story with a happy beginning, a sad middle, and a happy ending."

I think that might be the way most lives run. Our time here in mortality is much more complicated than a child's bedtime story; we can expect good times and bad times to roll through our lives.

But if we choose to work toward a happy ending we'll find it.

"This is a Church of happy endings. Troubles never need to be permanent nor fatal.

Darkness always yields to light. The sun always rises.

Faith, hope, and charity will always triumph in the end.

Furthermore, they will triumph all along the way.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

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We go to the dentist when we have tooth problems because we have faith that the dentist will make it better.

People choose to have children because they have faith that they will find joy in parenting.

  We leave our cozy nests because we believe we can do better outside, even when we anticipate trouble on the way. 

     

 And we muster up the courage to face the sometimes formidable process of repentance 
because we know that it will make us purer and lighter, 
 freed from the burden of guilt and sin that hold us down.

Our time here in mortality is much more complicated than a child's bedtime story; we can expect good times and bad times to roll through our lives. But if we choose to work toward a happy ending we'll find it. And we, along with our families, can find peace and joy together, forever.

Notes:

¹ Pearl of Great Price, Moses 5:11 - 12

² From "What Happens When Life Gets One Degree Colder?",  BYU Devotional by Dallan R. Moody 

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dallan-r-moody/when-life-gets-one-degree-colder/