Fractural Education: Part Two

Lessons in Marriage

Wes and I had been dating for about a year, and it was becoming obvious to me that we were a perfect match. The issue was clear: we had so much in common! We were both the oldest children in large families, both our fathers were accountants, we both liked music and good books, and we both hated olives. And we both loved ice cream! What more could anyone ask?

I've had a little time to learn a few things since then. And now I know that an important element in making a marriage work is appreciating the differences – the things we don't have in common. We sometimes see things differently, or do things differently. Because we have different strengths and weaknesses, we make a good team.

For example, Wes is a morning person; I'm not at my best early in the day. So when things need to be done in the morning, he handles them, making lunches and signing permission slips and writing checks while I'm still groggy. I'm more likely to stay up and take care of a late-night issue. ("What? The science fair is tomorrow?" "You need to wear a Teddy Bear costume for the concert in the morning?")

He's often calm when I'm brooding, frustrated when I'm determined, serious when I'm silly, strong when I'm weak. When one of us runs out of ideas, the other has some fresh thoughts. Even our handedness – I'm left-handed, he's right-handed – can be a complementary asset when we're working together.

These helpful differences become more apparent – and more needed – when times are difficult.

    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    

    

Marriage relationships are like a puzzle (in more ways than one). These two puzzle pieces look a lot alike. Some might say they are "made for each other."

                    And they do fit together nicely.

                 But when something comes along and shakes them up little,
                              they don't stay connected.

These puzzle pieces below, on the other hand. are different in color and in shape.

 

But their differences make them a good pair, with a stronger connection to survive life's bangs and bumps.

Sister Sheri Dew confirms this truth:

"Our Father knew exactly what He was doing when He created us. He made us enough alike to love each other, but enough different that we would need to unite our strengths and stewardships to create a whole. Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other."

Honestly, you wouldn't want to be married to someone exactly like you – what would be the fun in that? It's wonderful to learn from each other, to grow with each other, to discover that your weaknesses are her strengths.

“Our differences are the little pinches of salt which can make the marriage seem sweeter.” (Elder James E. Faust)

Of course, you should absolutely marry someone who shares your core values, and whose feelings on important topics – faith, children, and money, for example – are similar to yours. But the fact that he wants a firm pillow, and you must have a soft one shouldn't be a deal-killer.

After 26+ years of marriage, I know all this. And I was so impressed by, and so grateful for, the way my dear husband took over the cooking and cleaning during the last two months, while I was mostly bedridden (and entirely pathetic). So, does it matter if he cleans differently than I do? Should I be concerned, even a bit annoyed, because he doesn't fold towels the same way I do? Or because he puts the cups in a different part of the dishwasher?

Or course not. Those things don't matter . . . (What? Why are you looking at me like that? What?)

ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ    ಅ            

That's something I've learned, and will continue to learn. But I've also come to know that the best marriage advice, (and all good advice) comes from the scriptures. Here are some fabulous tips from a far better source than me.

• Rejoice evermore.
• Pray without ceasing.
• Quench not the Spirit.
• Hold fast that which is good.
• Abstain from all appearance of evil.
• Forbear one another, and forgive one another.
• A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
• A gift in secret pacifieth anger. 

And of course . . .

        In every thing give thanks!

References: 
Sheri L. Dew, "It is Not Good For Man or Woman to be Alone," October 2001 Conference
Elder James E. Faust, "The Enriching of Marriage,"  October 1977 General Conference.