Something To Say

It is sadly obvious that I’m neglecting my blog lately. I have been trying to think of a suitable excuse (hurricane season? scabies? a touch of ebola virus?) but I haven’t come up with anything convincing. I will say that this blog is not the only thing I’ve been neglecting, if that makes it any more forgivable.

But I have been nudged into posting today by an e-mail I just got from my friend Jenny, in which she wonders if she is losing her mind. Her reason for doubting her sanity is that she has just spoken the following words to her toddler daughter:

"That is exactly why we have a rule in our house against putting cottage cheese in your grape juice!!!!!"

Her worried confession made me think about a list I wrote several years ago, and which I dug up in the hope that I can assure Jenny that when you have children, saying things like that is actually a sign of normalcy. There's a whole new phrasebook that's part of the job. So, here's my list of . . .

Five things I never thought I’d say (but then I had children)

1. "Yes Mommy’s funny, isn’t she? Silly, silly, mommy! Now open the door, sweetie, that’s right, let Mommy back in the car . . . "
2. "Stop that. Your sister is not a trampoline."
3. "Oh, ho! That’s a good one! To get to the other side! Ha Ha Ha!"
4. "Hold still, I’m trying to get it out. How in the world did you get it in there, anyway?"
5. "Oh, I hope that brown stuff smeared on the wall is chocolate."

And another list, the converse of the preceding one:

Five things I used to say (but then I had children)

1. "Would you like a cookie? I made some yesterday and I still have plenty left."
2. "Sure, that sounds like fun. I can be ready to go in ten minutes."
3. "Well, I’m finished. The whole house is clean."
4. "Do you have these pants in a size 6?"
5. "Honestly! I’d never let my kids act like that!"

So, Jenny, I hope this has convinced you that you are sane. In fact, you are more than sane. Your utterance has proven that you are either: 1) a woman who has the uncanny foresight to make a rule against mixing curdled dairy products with potentially dangerous purple fluids, or 2) a mother gutsy enough to insist that she has in fact made such a rule, and confident enough to expect that her family will believe her. Either way . . . brilliant.