A Lesson on Human Mistakes

I was a teenager, shopping at a clothing store in the mall with my sister Polly. We each pulled some clothes we liked off the racks and went into the changing rooms to try them on.

I put on some pants and a shirt that seemed to fit me well, and I stepped outside the curtained partition to get Polly's opinion, leaving my clothes and my purse inside. Polly said she liked the outfit, and I turned back into the little changing area.

An angry yell struck me as I entered. A woman had slipped into the small area that I had left a few minutes earlier. She hadn't noticed my purse and clothes, and when I intruded on her privacy, I got an earful. I shouldn't have walked in on her! Didn't I have the sense to check to see if the place was empty before I blindly charged ahead?

I let her rant a little before I pointed out my purse and clothes.

I explained that I had just stepped out for a minute, and I hadn't expected anyone to move behind me into that stall.

The woman was instantly silenced. She mumbled an apology, gathered her things and left.

🔸   🔸   🔸   🔸   🔸   🔸   🔸

Fifteen years later:

My daughter had just started school, and I was in a carpool with some neighbors who also had children in afternoon kindergarten. Each mom had a day of the week to pick up the kids from their homes and drive them to the school, and then pick them up at the end of the school day and take them home. This arrangement worked well for all of us.

One morning, one of the women in the carpool group called to tell me that she would be gone most of the day and asked if I could pick up her daughter at her sister's house, which was on the same street as hers. Her niece would have my friend's daughter dressed and ready and waiting on the porch when I came by. I agreed and wished her a fun day.

A few hours later, I put my daughter and her three younger brothers into our van and began the carpool trek. I drove past the house where my friend had told me her daughter would be, but the porch was empty. I thought they might need another minute, so I went to pick up the other kids in the carpool, and drove back to that house, to see that there was still no one on the porch. I drove to the school and watched as the kindergartners in my van got out and entered the building. Then I drove back to the house where I had expected the other little girl to be. I got out of the car and walked to the door and knocked, but there was no response. The house seemed to be empty. I assumed there had been a change of plans, and I had somehow missed the news. I went home.

About an hour later, I answered my phone to hear the angry voice of my friend. Her niece had called her and told her that I had not shown up, and that her daughter was still there. I said I was sorry, and explained what had happened. I heard skepticism in her voice, “Really?” she said. “She wasn't there? She said she had her ready and waiting at 12:30.”

“Oh! But it's Friday!” I said. Light dawned on both of us. Friday was a shorter school-day, so afternoon kindergartners started forty-five minutes earlier than they did the rest of the week. I told my friend I would leave and get her daughter now, but she said not to bother – she would be too late. She said goodbye a bit sheepishly, and much subdued.

⏰       ⏰       ⏰       ⏰      ⏰

.

In the Old Testament, we learn of Hannah – a righteous woman whose great desire was to have a child. She went to the temple and prayed fervently for this blessing.

And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the Lord, and wept sore. 

Now Hannah, she spake in her heart; only  her lips moved, but her voice was not heard: therefore Eli thought she had been drunken. And Eli said unto her, How long wilt thou be drunken?Put away thy wine from thee. 

And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. Count not thine handmaid for a daughter of Belial: for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto.

Then Eli answered and said, Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him.¹

_{S S S S S}

Hannah was unjustly accused of drunkenness by a priest of the temple. But instead of becoming offended by Eli's assumption, she humbly and respectfully explained the truth – and Eli saw that he was wrong, and wished Hannah a blessing: a blessing that was soon fulfilled.

☫    ☫    ☫     ☫     ☫    ☫

Captain Moroni, a skilled military leader in the Book of Mormon, was by all accounts a great man.

Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.²

When  Moroni learned that his friend and comrade Helaman was in need of more soldiers and provisions, he "immediately sent an epistle to the the governor of the land, who was Pahoran, desiring that he should cause men to be gathered together to strengthen Helaman, or the armies of Helaman."³

But behold, our armies are small to maintain so great a number of cities and possessions.⁴

Moroni assumed that Pahoran would send reinforcements to Helaman and his armies, and he went back to his own work.

But Helaman sent another letter, explaining that the provisions and soldiers they had expected had not arrived.

And it came to pass that I thus did send an embassy to the governor of our land, to acquaint him concerning the affairs of our people. And it came to pass that we did wait to receive provisions and strength from the land of Zarahemla.
And it came to pass that we did wait in these difficult circumstances for the space of many months, even until we were about to perish for the want of food.⁵

Angry with the government leaders because they had not sent help, Moroni wrote another letter to Pahoran, and this one was scathing – and included a death threat.

Behold, I direct mine epistle to Pahoran, in the city of Zarahemla, who is the chief judge and the governor over the land.

For behold, I have somewhat to say unto you by the way of condemnation; for behold, ye yourself know that ye have been appointed to gather together men, and arm them with all manner of weapons of war. Yea, great has been your neglect towards us.

And now behold, we desire to know the cause of this exceedingly great neglect; yea, we desire to know the cause of your thoughtless state.

Can you think to sit upon your thrones in a state of thoughtless stupor, while your enemies are spreading the work of death around you?  Yea, while they are murdering thousands of your brethren— 

Behold, I wait for assistance from you; and, except ye do administer unto our relief, behold, I come unto you, even in the land of Zarahemla, and smite you with the sword . . . 

Ye know that ye do transgress the laws of God, and ye do know that ye do trample them under your feet . . . therefore I would that ye should adhere to the word of God, and send speedily unto me of your provisions and of your men, and also to Helaman. And behold, if ye will not do this I come unto you speedily; for behold, God will not suffer that we should perish with hunger; 

Behold, I am Moroni, your chief captain. I seek not for power, but to pull it down.  I seek not for honor of the world, but for the glory of my God, and the freedom and welfare of my country. And thus I close mine epistle.⁶

And Pahoran wrote back:

Behold, now it came to pass that soon after Moroni had sent his epistle unto the chief governor, he received an epistle from Pahoran, the chief governor. And these are the words which he received:
Pahoran, who am the chief governor of this land, do send these words unto Moroni, the chief captain over the army.  Behold, I say unto you, Moroni, that I do not joy in your great afflictions, yea, it grieves my soul.

Pahoran explained that a group of wicked Nephites called king-men had driven him and his supporters out of Zarahemla. Pahoran added that he was gathering an army to try to take back Zarahemla, and asked for Moroni's help:

Therefore, come unto me speedily with a few of your men, Gather together whatsoever force ye can upon your march hither, and we will go speedily against those dissenters, in the strength of our God according to the faith which is in us.

And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart. I, Pahoran, do not seek for power, save only to retain my judgment–seat that I may preserve the rights and the liberty of my people. My soul standeth fast in that liberty in the which God hath made us free.⁷

🔃        🔃        🔃        🔃        🔃       🔃       🔃

I'm sure you have noticed the common theme in these stories: they all contain an accusation that is based on an incorrect assumption of wrong-doing.

I think these kinds of things happen fairly frequently – in families, in schools, at work, or in church. Mistakes and misunderstandings are part of the life we live as an imperfect beings.

Christ said, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."⁸

Well, I'm certainly not in a position to pick up a handful of rocks to throw. 

☞   ☜   ☞   ☜

I have observed that many of the little disagreements that happen between my husband and me are based on false assumptions. A little patience, listening, and caring can go a long way toward clearing up these misunderstandings.

“Husbands and wives, learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another. Taking time to talk is essential to keep lines of communication intact. If marriage is a prime relationship in life, it deserves prime time! Yet less important appointments are often given priority, leaving only leftover moments for listening to precious partners.” Russell M. Nelson ⁹

Wise words from a wise man. And I feel quite sure that this principle can be applied to any of our relationships – with difficult co-workers, unfriendly neighbors, and in effective and compassionate parenting.

So I'm choosing this path – to open my ears, open my eyes, and open my heart.

 And let there be no misunderstandings on that point!

_{I C I C I}

Sources Cited:
1. 1 Samuel 1: 10, 12 - 18
2. Alma 48:16 - 17
3. Alma 59:3
4. Alma 58:32
5. Alma 58
6. See Alma 60
7. Alma 61
8. John 8:7
9. General Conference, April 1991