On Giving and Receiving

When I met my husband Wes, we were both poor college students. (We must have been pretty good at it, because we spent the next eight years being poor college students.) We became a poor married student couple, and eventually a poor college student family of five. We lived simply and frugally, and enjoyed simple activities that cost little or nothing.

The zoo was free on Monday, so that's when we went

The nearby library had a weekly story time

Feeding ducks at the park was a favorite activity

Sam hunting for Easter eggs

Sam and Hannah enjoying Homemade fruit pops

Using cloth diapers helped us save money

And so did home haircuts

Our children were young, and they didn't realize that we were living below the poverty line. Wes and I sometimes missed the little luxuries (eating out, buying new clothes) but we loved watching our children grow and were glad we could follow the counsel of prophets to live within our means and stay out of debt.

Every year as Christmas approached, we would find unexpected gifts and blessings – a Christmas tree mysteriously showed up on the front porch, or a basket of festive food appeared, or we found wrapped presents for our children.

One year, I attended a Christmas get-together with other people who had been called to serve in the Primary in our ward. For one of the activities, we sat in a circle and shared favorite Christmas memories. As people began sharing their thoughts, I noticed that most of the reminiscences involved an act of service – a memorable time they they and their family had been able to help another family. As we moved around the circle, I began to feel a little sad. We hadn't been able to help another family at Christmas. We were always the ones that needed help,

Then one woman said this: “We've helped, and we've received help. And the spirit is the same.”

This idea struck me. I thought about it a lot. For the the first time, I wondered, Is it as blessed to receive as it is to give?

                                   

Eventually, when Wes finished school and got a job, we were delighted to buy our first house. We still lived frugally – our family now included five children, and our house needed some work. But we were able to meet our needs and put some money aside for emergencies.

One winter, we had an unexpected series of difficulties – both of our cars broke down and needed expensive repairs, and our furnace was condemned by the gas company, which meant we we had to buy a new one. All these things happened over the course a of a week.

We were grateful that our emergency savings covered these expenses, but we were left with very little money to spare. As Christmas drew near, Wes and I decided we would have a very simple Christmas, with a few inexpensive gifts for the children, but that we would not buy a gift for each other.

Then our bishop knocked on the door one day and said that he had been given some money to share with a family in need for Christmas. I told him that we were fine, that we were experiencing a temporary setback, and we didn't need the money. He urged me to accept the gift, but again I refused. He asked me think about it, and consider changing my mind.

The next day, I came across this scripture:

Have ye forgotten the commandments of the Lord your God? Yea, have ye forgotten the captivity of our fathers? Have ye forgotten the many times we have been delivered out of the hands of our enemies? 

Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us? (Alma 60:20 – 21)

I wrote a note to the bishop, telling him that we had decided to get off our throne. Christmas was  brighter that year because we did.

I have heard good people say that they are always glad to serve and give, but they find it difficult to receive service that is offered them. This is not an uncommon feeling, I suppose. But I see two problems with this attitude.

First, this is rooted in pride. It's saying that I don't need anyone else – that we can handle anything that comes our way alone. While I am a fan of self-reliance, there are times in every life when we can't do it alone. As King Benjamin reminds us, we are all beggars. We all depend on God to provide us food and clothing and shelter. And God usually works through other people. 

Second, and perhaps more obviously, if no one accepts our service, we will be unable to serve.       

     

I           I           I           I           I           I           I

Some thoughts from others who are wiser and more eloquent that I am: 

“Giving feels fantastic and for there to be a Giver, there must be a Receiver, so allowing yourself to receive is an act of love.” ― Rebecca O’Dwyer

“And there’s also ‘To him that hath shall be given.’ After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can’t give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.”

― C.S. Lewis

“Gracious acceptance is an art - an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving.... Accepting another person's gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.”

― Alexander McCall Smith

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”

― Brené Brown

   

 ♥       ♥       ♥      ♥       ♥       ♥        ♥        ♥     

Christ, who sets the example in all things, showed us how to receive gifts:

Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper, there came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.

But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste? For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.

When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.

For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always. (Matthew 26:6 – 13) 

If we cannot receive gifts at Christmas, how can we receive the greatest gift of all? The Savior's birth and perfect life?

For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?  Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:33)

If we cannot ask for help when we need it, how can we plead to our Father for His mercy and comfort?

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Rest for the weary, water for those who thirst, healing for those who ache, comfort for those who grieve – and eternal live for those who consistently come to Him with a broken heart. He paid a very heavy price so that He could offer us these precious things – gifts of immeasurable, even infinite value.

And His hands are stretched out still!

How silently, how silently

The wondrous gift is given!

So God imparts to human hearts

The blessings of His heaven.

No ear may hear His coming;

But in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive Him, still

The dear Christ enters in.

Remember Christ our Savior
Was born on Christmas Day
To Save us all from Satan''s Grasp
When we have gone astray.
Oh! Tidings of Comfort and Joy! 

Press forward, feasting on the word of Christ.

Receive his name, rejoicing in his might.

Come unto God; find everlasting light

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

For unto us a child is given . . . Let earth receive her King!

Hallelujah!

Merry Christmas to all!