Life on the Line

Yesterday was Joseph's birthday, and also Ben's graduation day. I was trying to make a birthday dinner, finish the birthday cake, help Ben iron his graduation robe, and clean the kitchen up a little. Somewhere in there I plugged my tablet in to charge and the lights in the room went out.

So when the phone rang, I answered it eagerly, hoping it was my husband calling to say he was coming home early to help me. Or maybe the school district telling me that graduation had been unexpectedly canceled. Or the health department notifying me that our house had been condemned, and we needed to leave town immediately.

No such luck.

“Marine?” said the man on the other end of my phone.

(Did he just call me Marine? This is a pretty sure sign that the caller is not a close friend or family member. The next time someone mispronounces my name that way, I'm going to say, “No, but close – Navy Seal . . .”)

The caller began his sales pitch, telling me about the great opportunity that was available to me, the fortunate homeowner. I tried to be polite as I explained that we wouldn't be interested, but he said I needed to hear about the amazing deals he could offer us.

I said, “Look, I'm frosting a cake, ironing a robe, and trying to figure out what to feed my family. This is not a good time.”

I heard a chuckle and the words,“Well, you've got your hands full!”

Oh, really? I've never heard that before! Thanks for the info . . .

“So when should I call back to tell you more about our blah blah blah . . .”

I did some quick calculations and said, “Call back when my kids are gone – about ten years should do it.”

Another chuckle. (I guess I'm hilarious.) “No really, when can I catch you? Would next week be good?”

What? Didn't I just tell you when you should call back? Did you think I was kidding?

Anyway, we ate dinner, Ben got his diploma, and we enjoyed the cake. The kitchen was a mess, but it didn't matter much because it was pretty dark in there. And birthday cakes are supposed to have candles, so that was okay.

Four kids out of high school.

Three to go.